Dear Gunhilda,
I’m trying to design a class for women who think it is too dangerous to have a gun in the house. Any suggestions?
Female Pistol Instructor
Dear Instructor,
Wait, what? You want to teach a class specifically intended for people who really do not want to be there? You poor thing!
But perhaps you meant you want to reach people who do want to own firearms, but who have reasonable safety concerns about gun ownership. If that’s the case, welcome to the teaching world, because that describes a huge number of beginning gun owners. As you design your class, put most of your energy into showing people how guns work, how to store guns safely, and how to use them wisely. Unless your students really need a psychiatrist rather than a firearms instructor, the rest will take care of itself.
Gunhilda
Dear Gunhilda,
I enjoyed your book, The Cornered Cat. I think it would be helpful for my husband to read, but really doubt he will read a book written for women. Do you know of any male equivalent books? Any titles would be appreciated.
Bookworm in Brookfield
Dear Book,
There really aren’t any “equivalent” books, but I can steer you towards some good reads. Take a look at The Concealed Handgun Manual by Chris Bird, or The Gun Digest Book of Concealed Carry by Massad Ayoob.
But here is the real trick. When you recomend these books to your husband, phrase it like this, “Well, the Cornered Cat book is probably a little too advanced for you. Why don’t you start with…” I bet you can get him give it a look. 😉
Gunhilda
Dear Gunhilda,
If an attacker tries to take my gun away and use it against me, what should I do?
Worried in Willows
Dear Worried,
Pull the felon repulsion lever. You should find it just underneath your trigger finger.
Remember, a firearm isn’t a magic talisman that wards off evil just by existing. It is simply a tool, and it only works if you do your part.
Gunhilda
Dear Gunhilda,
What is the best firearm for hunting zombies?
Zombiefied in Zellwood
Dear Zombiefied,
Shooting ’em ain’t the problem. It’s cleaning ’em you’ve gotta worry about.
The leading expert on zombie infestations in this country is my friend Larry Correia. Check out his zombie hunting tips on the Monster Hunter Nation blog.
Gunhilda
Dear Gunhilda,
Why do you carry a gun?
Critical in Carson City
Dear Critical,
Because I can’t carry a policeman.
Gunhilda
Dear Gunhilda,
I think people who carry guns are compensating for something!
Disgusted in Delaware
Dear Disgusted,
You are correct. Personally, I am compensating for my inability to effectively defend myself from an enraged, 300-pound rapist with my bare hands.
What are you compensating for?
Gunhilda
Dear Gunhilda,
Yesterday, as I was headed out the door to pick up some personal supplies, my husband asked me to grab some .22LR ammunition for our weekend trip to the range. Happy to oblige, I stopped off at the Giant Mart and picked up the items I needed, and then went back to the sporting goods counter to buy the ammunition.
When I asked the sales lady to give me a couple boxes of .22 ammunition, she took one look at the bottle of Midol and box of tampons already in my cart and then turned ghost white. “Honey,” she said, “are you okay?”
I didn’t know what to say!
Flustered in Farmington
Dear Flustered,
I just hope you didn’t reply, “The ammunition is for my husband.”
Gunhilda
Dear Gunhilda,
At my husband’s cousin’s wedding last week, my big-mouthed spouse told everyone that I carry a gun. Before I knew it I was surrounded by a crowd of garrulous old men who wanted to tell me intimate details about their guns, their medical problems, and their politics. What should I do?
Beleaguered in Birmingham
Dear Beleaguered,
Depending how intimate the details were, you might consider blackmail.
To get started thinking about things you might say when something like this happens, check out the article Oops, and Other Sticky Situations.
Gunhilda
Dear Gunhilda,
Last week I was practicing my one-handed shooting skills. The guy in the lane next to mine looked over, saw what I was doing, and said, “You’ll hit the target better if you hold the gun with both hands, like this …”
What should I have told him?
Baffled in Baton Rouge
Dear Baffled,
That depends upon how cute he was. If he was really cute, you might want to find a relationship columnist for advice about what to do next. I’m no help with that stuff.
However, chasing people off is something at which I excel. To get rid of non-welcome but helpful people at the range, it’s best to be direct: “Thanks, but I don’t need help right now.” Repeat as many times as necessary, as loudly as necessary, until the message gets through.
Gunhilda
Dear Gunhilda,
A friend of mine went to an IPSC match and needed to use the facilities. While she was inside the porta-potty, her firearm fell out of her holster and it landed inside the tank!
How can I prevent this from happening to me?
Worried in Wilmington
Dear Worried,
Wow, that stinks! Try this: Close the lid. Lower your pants. Open the lid. Sit down. Close the lid again before pulling your pants back up. Problem solved.
Gunhilda
Dear Gunhilda,
I usually carry a .40 S&W, but lately I’ve been thinking about moving up to a .45 ACP. Why can’t I get the guys in the gun stores to show me anything but .25’s and .32’s?
Undersized in Umatilla
Dear Undersized,
Try wearing a fake mustache when you shop.
Gunhilda
Dear Gunhilda,
When I went to the gun shop to get some help on the takedown and cleaning of my Glock, the owner started talking about taking the slidy thingy off the plastic thingy by pushing the button thingy.
Question: Should I trade in the Glock?
Flustered in Frankfort
Dear Flustered,
No, it’s not time to trade in your Glock. But it may be time to trade in your gun shop. Look for one that’s less condescending. (See the Gun Store Miss Adventures article for more about finding such a store.) Keep in mind that the people who work behind gun store counters are not necessarily experts about firearms, and may not even be shooters. So that might not have been condescension at all — it might have been honest befuddlement.
Gunhilda
Dear Gunhilda,
When is the best time to tell my friends I am carrying a gun?
Polite in Parkerville
Dear Polite,
At the same point you feel compelled to tell them what color of panties you’re wearing.
Seriously, that’s a conversation best avoided until absolutely needed. You can talk about firearms in very general terms, and discuss concealed carry or other defense topics, without ever “outing” yourself as someone who’s carrying right then. And that’s generally the best way to go.
Gunhilda
Dear Gunhilda,
My son left for college this morning and in cleaning out his room I found an old audio tape which featured the songs of a really annoying purple dinosaur. When he was a toddler, he forced us to listen to that tape in the car all the way from Dallas, Texas to our new home in Minot, North Dakota.
Should I take the tape to the range with me? If so, which gun should I use? I have a 9mm handgun, a .22LR rifle, and a 20-gauge shotgun.
Vindictive in Vacaville
Dear Vindictive,
No flamethrower?
Gunhilda
Dear Gunhilda,
My wife thinks the hole in the end of her Beretta Tomcat is too small.
How do I make it bigger?
Nervous in Newaygo
Dear Nervous,
Your wife is obviously a very perceptive woman, but there’s no known way to safely convert a very small caliber to a much larger one. You’re just going to have to purchase more firearms. What a shame!
Gunhilda
Dear Gunhilda,
What do you call the dance a lady does when hot brass finds her cleavage?
Blistered in Biloxie
Dear Blistered,
Depending on the style, it’s either a BRAzilian line dance, or the Cha-Cha.
If you’d rather sit that dance out next time, consider wearing a high collared shirt to the range.
Gunhilda
Dear Gunhilda,
I met a lady and her husband who have five boys. What in the world were they thinking??!?
Stumped in Spokane
Dear Stumped,
Rifle Team.
Gunhilda
Dear Gunhilda,
My husband’s 40th birthday is coming up. What gun should I get for him?
Shopping in Sheboygan
Dear Shopping,
I’m not sure what your husband is worth, but a friend of mine swapped hers for two shotguns and a rifle.
Gunhilda
Dear Gunhilda,
We are doomed!
My postal person brought another ominous package today from the BATFE. It says prominently on the cover New 4473. Open the package and what should appear but white 4473 forms instead of yellow ones!
Our beloved Form 4473 is now white and will quickly be confused with every other sheet of paper in the place. After umpteen years I finally got the hang of “Old Yeller” and now it’s changed.
What should I do?
Shop Owner in Shelbyville
Dear Shop,
If you’re doomed because the 4473 is now white, the only thing you can do is dye.
Gunhilda
