What do you say if...?
Oops, and Other Sticky Situations
By Kathy Jackson
My mother is the person who made me. And she’s done it twice.
I don’t remember a lot about the first time, because it began when I was
too young to remember much of anything.
But I clearly remember the second time she made me. It was shortly after
I’d begun carrying a handgun for personal defense, before I’d figured
out the art of giving someone a hug without giving away the secret. She
and my father had offered to take my children to a movie, so the kids
and I piled into the van and drove to meet them at the theater. As always,
my Glock 26 was strapped securely to my waist in its kydex holster.
When I got out of the van, my mother came running over to give me a hug.
As she put her hand around my waist, I felt her stiffen up and pat my
hip. Then she pulled away and looked at me accusingly. “What is that?”
I was caught.
As I found out, if you carry a concealed weapon very often, the odds are
that sooner or later, someone you care about will discover that you’re
carrying one right then. The question is what to do next. How can you
handle the situation with a minimum of fuss and reassure your family and
friends?
Step #1: Don’t lose your cool.
Sure, you’re probably a little upset. After all, you didn’t want to get
made and even if you were planning to tell them at some point, the timing
is probably less than ideal. But you don’t want to give them the impression
that you – a person equipped with a loaded weapon – are prone to panic.
Staying calm has other advantages, too. Getting made is really just a
minor social gaffe. But a too-vigorous reaction might give your friends
the idea that you’re on the run from Johnny Law. This is another impression
you do not want to make.
If you are in a public setting, and your reaction is very energetic, it
will be noticed by everyone around you. Human beings are drawn to emotional
displays. If you play it cool, you may be able to avoid at least a few
prying eyes.
So take a deep breath and smile, even if you don’t feel like it.
Step #2: Say something.
Don’t just stand there with your mouth flapping open and shut like a recently
landed large-mouth bass. Few things make people more nervous than that.
So after you smile, clear your throat and force a sound past those chilly
vocal cords.
Of course, some things are better to say than others.
An example of a bad thing to say: “Ha! HA! I was planning to use that
to kill everyone in the place later! What a laugh!” If all you can think
of is a feeble joke about mass murder, you’re probably better off to keep
doing your fish imitation.
Better: “Ummmmm, oops.” You may kick yourself later for your lack of eloquence,
but at least you didn’t make the situation worse.
Best: “It’s okay, Mom, you know I’m one of the good guys.” Or (for the
guys reading this) to a girlfriend, “Yes, but I’m also happy to see you.”
Or after your firearm jumps out of the holster and skitters across the
floor, “Dang, I’ve been trying to teach it not to do that.”
A light-hearted comment often sends the meta-message that you aren’t worried
and that the other person shouldn’t be, either. A Michigan resident named
Tim was once told by a local policeman that his gun was printing. Tim
smiled and responded, “Good, now I can start it on cursive.” Tim reports
that the officer smiled back and replied, “‘Good answer, now hide it.’
I did, he smiled and walked away. Never even asked to see my permit. [It
was] kinda a good experience.”
Step #3: Answer questions without getting defensive.
This is the tricky part. You want to communicate that you are a responsible
person, that you haven’t lost your marbles, and that no one needs to call
the police to deal with you. Depending on your relationship with the person
who made you, one or all of those things might be a hard sell.
With relatives, their first concern is often whether or not you are obeying
the law. “My grandmother was a bit concerned one time after she hugged
my younger brother and found he was carrying concealed,” says a young
man who now lives in Texas. “She thought it was still illegal to carry
concealed in Arizona. She didn't seem especially concerned that he was
carrying, just that he do it legally.”
Familiarity with your local laws stands you in good stead here. It’s probably
a good idea to refresh your memory about your state’s carry laws from
time to time, just so you will be able to deal with such questions.
Some folks can be expected to react with disgust or anger. Be prepared
for this, but do your best not to provoke it. If the other person is content
to chew you out and then drop the issue, let them. You earned the tongue-lashing
by getting caught, and your mild reaction just proves that you aren’t
looking for a fight no matter what tools you have on your belt.
Be prepared to deal with questions about your emotional health. “You sure
do have a lot of fears,” one of my relatives once told me. “Maybe you
should talk to a doctor.” After an accusation like this, the ideal impression
to leave is that you listened seriously to their concerns, but that their
concerns weren’t serious. You can accomplish this by listening respectfully,
while keeping your own responses light and brief.
While the initial reactions might range from cheerful interest, to horrified
fascination, to legal concerns, to making digs about your mental health,
eventually family and friends do adjust. Well, mostly. Even after some
time has passed, your friends might still think you’re paranoid. But as
one young man in Colorado admits with a laugh, “They think it’s part of
my charm.”
A Look At My Email Box
One of the coolest things about writing on the web is that I get email.
Here's what one (very, very) anonymous correspondent had to say about
the above article.
"Even being a male, and having carried for awhile, I found your site
quite informative. Though I'm single now, and had issues with the CCW
issue with my ex girlfriend, this site is definitely getting shown to
whoever my next girlfriend ends up being. ...
"As for the Oops section, I really wish I would have read
that a few months ago. I was at a gas station and had opened the door
of my car to fill up. At the time I was using a little Makarov in 9x18mm
for the car gun, so I didn't have to keep moving my 1911 from waist to
between the seats. I had put it in the 'random crud holder' molded into
the door panel of my Grand Prix, and when I opened the door, it somehow
hopped out, hit the ground with a VERY unmistakable gun-on-pavement 'CLA-CLUNKrattleskittle,'
and decided it liked a few feet under the car better. To the gape-jawed
stares of the mother and her minivan full of kids at the pump in front
of me, I wordlessly got on my stomach, pulled the gun from under the car
by the barrel, placed it on the passenger seat, and just drove off without
saying anything. Most embarassing moment of the year, and I wish I would
have used the 'Trying to teach it not to do that,' line. Oh well, live
and learn.
"I've also had a few issues with carrying during rather 'familiar'
moments with new romantic interests. Usually I've sworn by the 'use restroom,
toss it in the jacket, toss it in the corner, and bury it in progressive
layers of clothing,' approach. Sure it's not a quick retrieval if it's
needed, but it does provide for an almost guaranteed lack of discovery,
would work regardless of the carrier's sex, and a request to pop over
to the restroom to freshen up a bit in that situation is perfectly normal.
"I've only had one time otherwise that I've been made before doing
the nitty-gritty, and it was before I had considered what I would do in
such a situation. As it progressed, my shirt came off. She looked down
at my hip with a pretty obvious fullsize 1911 sitting there with bright
glowy tritium sights and said, 'What the ****, is that a gun?!' Thinking
the quickest I've EVER thought in my life, and also giving a line that
I'm positive to this day is still too corny for porn, I responded with,
'You should see my OTHER gun!' Fast forward a couple hours and we actually
had a really informative and calm conversation on the matter afterward,
and we now go shooting every now and then.
"And yes. I still catch crap about that line from her to this day."
Poor guy.