Fear is your friend?
Turning Fear into Safety
By Kathy Jackson
"The difference between fear and panic is knowing what to do. If you have
a reliable, effective solution then fear is an asset. You know what to
do and fear just makes you do it faster. On the other hand, if you don't
know what to do -- or don't trust what you know -- then you will freeze
in terror, because you have no clear goal or way to get there. Fear helps,
panic hinders. Fear is your savior, panic your nemesis."
-- Marc MacYoung
One of the odd things about fear is that ignoring it can make it grow
stronger. It can become this giant, amorphous thing that haunts the back
of your mind, growing ever larger as you ignore the shadows in which it
hides.
You start out by being afraid of some specific thing -- the chance of
being attacked and raped by a stranger, for example. You don't want to
think in detail about that, because it certainly isn't a pleasant thought.
Because you don't want to think about it, you surely never study the Uniform
Crime Reports to learn that stranger rapes are the rarest type of rape,
and you never discover that most of these attacks are committed against
women who make high-risk lifestyle choices. Because you avoid thinking
about this unpleasant subject, you tune out information about specific
things you could do to reduce your already-small risk of experiencing
this unlikely type of attack. So that quiet little spot in the back of
your mind, unexamined, grows into this huge black hole in which all strangers
-- or maybe even all men -- become dangerous aliens who must be avoided
whenever possible.
So how does one set about reducing this oversized black hole of fear back
to its proper proportions?
Listen to Your Fear
The first step is simply to face your fear and acknowledge it for what
it is. This may not be as easy as it sounds on paper, not simply because
fear is an unwelcome sensation, but also because while the emotion is
easy to identify, figuring out exactly what prompted the emotion might
not be so simple.
If you have trouble sleeping in an otherwise-empty house, for example,
you might lie awake listening to unfamiliar noises, jumping every time
the branches outside your bedroom window creak in the wind, and tensing
up with every miniscule settling sound the house makes as it cools down
as the night wears on. You're not actually scared of these noises, because
you're an adult and you know that noises don't hurt people. But the noises
frighten you all the same. They make you tense. How could this be?
A little analysis might help you realize that the noises themselves aren't
the thing you fear. Instead, they simply awaken your fear and get your
imagination going. What you are actually afraid of is some danger that
these unknown noises could represent. So now it is time for a
little introspection: might you fear that someone in the house with you? Or
that someone is trying to break in? That is one possible explanation.
So it isn't enough to look for the thing that triggered your fear. You
need to take it a step further, and figure out in what way the thing that
triggers your fear represents an actual threat which could harm you.
Educate Yourself
The next step is to educate yourself about the possible threat, and find
ways to reduce your risk of being harmed by it. Those eerie, creaky noises
can't harm you, but a home invasion might. So now it is time to do some
research. How can you reduce the likelihood of a home invasion happening
to you, or reduce your risk of getting harmed if it does?
Take a closer look at the things you fear. Sometimes, they're not
so scary after all.
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On an immediate level, this could be as basic as learning that many home
intruders simply walk in through an unlocked door, or climb in through
an open window in the summertime. To reduce your risk of this type of
home invasion, all you will need to do is make sure the doors are all
locked and the windows shut before you go to bed.
But if you've already locked the doors and closed the windows, and the
noises still bother you, there's a chance your subconscious mind is telling
you that you haven't done enough. You may need to dig deeper, and do a
little more research into how these events take place, how often they
occur in your neighborhood, and who is most at risk from them. Your local
law-enforcement office probably has brochures discussing preventive measures
you can take to make your home more secure; the tips will probably include
installing deadbolts and peep holes, beefing up your exterior doors and
doorframes, planting prickly bushes underneath windows, and may also discuss
methods of securely locking windows while maintaining your ability to
get out of the house quickly in case of fire.
If you fear violent crime, you may want to study Marc MacYoung's five
stages of violent crime, which you can find online at
www.nononsenseselfdefense.com.
MacYoung teaches that it takes time to build up to violence, even though
it often seems to the victim as if the crime "came out of nowhere." Criminals
have goals they are reaching for, and certain steps they must take before
they can reach those goals. Once you know what those steps are, you will
be in a much better place to counter the steps and thus avoid violence.
When you know what a criminal needs to accomplish in order to attack you,
you have a better idea of when and where to be alert, and more important,
what you are looking for when you are alert. You also know when you may
breathe a sigh of relief because you are temporarily able to relax your
vigilance. In this, knowledge is your friend. And knowledge begins by
facing your original fear nose-on.
Take Action
It is not enough to know that locked doors are a good thing. You actually
have to get up off the couch and lock the door. If your research shows
that homes with exterior lights and a pet dog are least likely to get
invaded, you install the exterior lights and then go shopping for a dog
you can live with.
Perhaps you decided that you would be safer if you owned a gun, so you
have purchased a gun for self-protection. Does buying a gun keep you safe?
No. Owning a gun, or even carrying a gun with you wherever you go, will
not keep you safe by itself. The back of your mind knows this; that is
one reason why psychoactive dreams and daytime reveries are common among
new gun owners. The gun is a uniquely useful tool, but it cannot act on
its own to protect you. That is why most experienced handgun carriers
will tell you that your real safety comes from within, from your own knowledge
and skill and the willingness to fight if need be.
Because safety comes from within, simply purchasing a gun will probably not quiet
your fears for long. But making the internal determination that you will
fight back if you must, and then getting the skills and training you need
in order to do so effectively, will very likely lay your fears to rest.
Let It Go
The final step, as incongruous as it sounds, is to get on with your life.
Once you have set your safety measures in place -- whatever those safety
measures might be, whether they are passive measures like better locks
or active measures such as a lifestyle of paying attention and being alert
-- it is time to let go of your fear and focus your mind on more positive
thoughts.
A lifestyle of awareness is not about fear, by the way. It's about life,
and living life to the fullest. It's about paying attention to the world
around you, walking through life with your eyes wide open and your senses
fully extended, seeing the details that other people miss. It's about
smelling the roses, cherishing the daffodils, and never accidentally stepping
on the bee that's hiding in the clover.
As Tim Schmidt, president of USCCA,
says, "The whole idea of proper preparedness and a healthy, second-nature
sense of awareness is to allow your mind to think about the important
things in life." Fear doesn't have to run your life and in fact it should
not run your life. It is simply a welcome ally in the quest to live safely,
secure in the knowledge that you are able to protect yourself.