Where Do You Draw the Line?
Personal Boundaries
By Kathy Jackson
Listed below are some conditions under which I intend to fight back even
if I don't think I can win.
I have made this list for myself because I understand that the natural
thing to do, when something bad happens, is to deny that it is happening:
"This can't be happening
to me!"
Even if you get past that thought (a lot of victims never do), the other
natural tendency is to tell yourself that if you wait, if you do what
the other person says, things will get better. The situation will work
itself out. All you have to do is cooperate. The attacker will take your
wallet, your car keys, whatever, and leave you alone. Just wait, do what
he says, and everything will be okay. That's what most people who are
attacked tell themselves -- and in most cases, that is exactly
what people should do. Even if you are armed, why kill someone if you
don't have to? It's only stuff!
But while waiting for an opening and cooperating with the attacker might
be the best survival strategy in many situations, there are a few very
specific situations where waiting and cooperating are the worst things
the victim can possibly do.
A woman forced into a car by an attacker, for instance, has a 95% or higher
chance of getting killed if she complies. Even if it seems highly likely
the attacker will kill her right there if she doesn't get in
the car, the fact is that right at that moment, the odds are the very
best they will ever be for her. They might be lousy odds, but they aren't
going to get any better. So I have decided, in advance, that if I'm ever
in that situation, that's when and where I will fight back no matter what
my frozen brain and in-denial guts are telling me about my odds.
Similarly, a man forced into a back room on his knees, with his back to
the attacker, has just been put into the execution position. Most of the
time, when someone is forced into this position, what comes next is a
bullet in the back of the skull. Once you are on your knees, you don't
have any more choices left, even if do you suddenly realize what is about
to happen. If you're going to save your own life in such a situation,
you have to make the choice to fight back before you're on your
knees.
The purpose of analyzing this stuff beforehand is to make sure that even
my frozen brain and my in-denial guts cannot lull me into cooperating
if I am ever in one of the extreme places where a victim really needs
to fight if she is going to survive. Because I've thought about this stuff
in advance, if something like it ever happens, even my frozen brain will
have a definite decision point.
Some of my personal boundaries are:
- I will not go anywhere at gunpoint. If the bad guy wants
me to go somewhere else, it's because he will be able to do something
to me there that he is unwilling or unable to do to me right
here, right now. Therefore no matter how bad the tactical situation
seems right here and now, right here and now is the absolute
best chance to fight back I will ever have and I intend to use it.
- I will not be tied up. If the bad guy wants to tie me
up, it is because he wants to do things to me that I would be able to
prevent if I were not tied up. Therefore, I will resist while I am still
able to do so.
- I will not kneel. No one is going to execute me. If I
die, I'll die fighting.
- If someone tries to take one of my children, I will fight
even at the risk of my child being killed in the resultant firefight.
I plan this not because I have positive assurance that I would be successful,
but because I would not be able to live with myself if I simply "allowed"
my child to be taken, brutalized, and his body perhaps never found. I'd
rather watch him die in front of me. (Yes, that's harsh ... but given
those two options and only those two, which would you choose?)
My point is not that your boundaries should be the same as mine.
It is simply that even though you can wait until the very last moment
to make the final decision about fighting back, you should have certain
things already set into your decision-making machinery beforehand.
If you don't, and if you are ever attacked, you may not have enough time
to do anything but stand there with your brain frozen solid while your
attacker takes all your choices away.
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Except where otherwise noted, all articles and images on
this web site © 2006-2009 by Kathy Jackson. For permission to quote, please
contact author.
Image titled, "Will. If need be" ©
Oleg Volk, and used by permission. Thanks Oleg!
Disclaimer: The author of this
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own choices and taking responsibility for same. If you are not an adult,
or are not capable of taking responsibility for your own choices, STOP.
Do not read anything else on this site. The author has made a reasonable,
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contain good advice, but hereby advises the reader that the author is
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of reading any material on this site. Live your own life.